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Certainty​/​Uncertainty

by Roo

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1.
Stardust 03:38
I'll never know who i am, but neither will you. Not through religion or politics or extended drug use. Cuz that's a question just too big to ask like why are we here and how does it end? We're all governed by a script I never understood by a screenwriter who left the set and went to Hollywood but he doesn't have the answers. Fame garners followers and followers garner power. I like looking at the dead things in the sky at night. I'll waltz and tango in their many dancing lights. They let me see what I want too and for a moment, I can believe that I know what I should do. Out of all the things that don't exist, you are standing here with your friends and enemies and loved ones you hold so dear. Marvel at how lucky you are because you are stardust that somehow became self-aware. I want the answer to the question of what questions I should ask. I want to know the lives of everyone I pass. I want to scream at the stars, and the Moon, and the Sun and tell them I love them cuz they gave birth to everyone.
2.
Oxymorrissey 02:31
The stunning stellar gravity; the waves of mass and motion. Holding out hope; persuading a cosmic commotion that might entice you to awaken at 11:11 or more exactly 2:33 with nothing more than a yearning for me. But I'll ponder the twinkle of the stars and how they seem to be typing out a message in a language far beyond audibility. While you destroy any possibility for me to ever engender something more than an intoxicating bender or a sleepless slumber. It's a wonder how I've found truth in the silences and the space between the glances we share in our own ways. It's a deafening sound: one that trembles the ground that I am standing on.
3.
It's In E 03:05
Take me away, oh Flower Girl far away from dates and sod. Get me a place up in the hills far away from hate and God. A villa in some picturesque, Van Gogh culture. A stand against the acceptance of greed and anger. Let the fools behind the doors of perception stumble their words out. Let their misconceptions guide them down the path of personal Hell 'cuz they can't see through the thorny veil of bigotry. There is love to taste. The Earth is not a cold, dead place. And when the mountains weep to the tune the Summer brings, the light will show it's just a vessal of confusion matching our ambition for understanding why we are, who we are and those who are not. Maybe the division is closer than we thought but it's quite all right. The solution seems right out of sight. but there's something worth the chase The Earth is not a cold, dead place. Hope is a chemical reaction caused by a cosmical faction between the idealist heart and the realist mind. Perfection may be obselete because it's so hard to reach, but I don't give a damn it's worth the fight
4.
Murder me a little. Slay me with your looks, and charm, and wit. And I'll be another hit. Stomp me out like a cigarette: The cigarettes I smoke when I get burned alive. You'll become the villain in due time, I can tell. And I will play the victim, just as well. I like the Spring rain, and the way the letters sound in your name. They sound like a ringing of my heart strings. Sell me your future, and I'll be buying into my own grave, and cheating you out of fortunes to be made. Apropos: the seeds that I sow are considered poppies, but only I know I meant them to be roses. Red and bold and garish; acting as a carriage, or just a light to guide me home.
5.
Samsara 03:20
The Sun seems to sap away my courage. The Moon encroaches on my dreams. But here I am still standing: like a salmon about to be caught in a stream Oh, alarm clock, who have you woken? Is he lost like the rest of them all? A man who feels down and beaten? Or, as of yet, unknowing of The Fall? Let your tears be whispered to me. So I might see them as my own. Let your cries form an ocean. And perhaps we'll ride this wave into unknown. For the man with two eyes inside his chest has no mouth in sight, but he carries the Universe inside his breast and escaped the life of plight. So, leave me a trail back to Hades and I'll remember to smile along the way because those eyes that judge us haven't ever had anything to say. I can't be fixed I am broken. As such, humanity on the whole. But I choose to live in this ocean. And have yet the want to let it go.
6.
Aquarius 02:03
The morning Sun stays out of sight. Aquarius hangs in the sky. The man in the Moon asks how I am. I shrug and say "All right." The answer to that question which is asked is just one too big for me to say. So, I'll come home and listen to Ghost Mice records. They help me fall asleep. And in my dreams Apollo reaches out he extends his hand to me and says "Everything that is will soon cease to be. This too shall pass." So, today I tore the cobwebs from my eyes and let the world just shine. And soon I was amongst all that I am and I smiled as it went by. The crowds were ringing on a frequency unknown and I just let it all go.
7.
Holding pieces, bits of time in hand each one casts reflections. Memories of better times, but time is not possession. Days are time; weeks are time. You draw your hand before your face seeing what beholds you. Looking deep into the soul of that which doesn't mold you. Months are time; years are time. Charon polling, ferry going back to ignorance. Holding deep within your heart feelings that unfold you. Harbors depth not on this chart: an island we can row to. Seeing time; holding time. You cast your love then draw it near: caress the holy temple. Bless the gift that you hold dear: repeat the love that found you. Wanting time; holding time.
8.
Sprawling shadows unrequited love leaves me restless the rain, my uncertainty. They said "Lay siege to your doubt!" "This is my life!" I said. And again won was loneliness. Standing dissonant, off time to the rhythm, of the drumming rain. A minor victory; A major defeat. Life is one great, big, run-on sentence. Detail me the punctuation if you decide to write it all down. The smoke entangles my privileged tears; your comely eyes. I hope one day I'll find myself. In a world I live and dream of at the same time, but until then, I am yours.
9.
Among many things, I've given up on sleeping in my bed, reading self-help novels, and hanging on the adages. Words are slippery, and hard to hold on to. I'll let the snow speak for me and just embrace my wet shoes. Among many things, I've started counting out my steps to a triple meter, it's more fun to minuet, when you're by yourself any way, and the only toes you can step on are an entire town away. The saddest thought I ever had was when I realized that this was not some over-arcing plot progression. No grand display of affection, no great result from rejection, just a lack of direction and a lot of things left unanswered. Among many things, I love my friends, my family, but these fucking distractions will get the best of me and I know I'm only a good stones throw away from cracking. I'm not heartless, but I'm certainly lacking. And I know that I can't base a life around staring at the ceiling, but these days remain hostile and unappealing. And I can't tell if it's the Winter that chills your shoulder, but I know that if I called, you wouldn't answer. Can you douse me in water or here my unjustified shouts? 'cuz I've found an awful successful way of burning out.
10.
This is far beyond lethargy or sleep deprivation: this is my quiet desperation finding a voice. It's not my choice to feel the way I feel about things. I'm sorry if I got attached. The hills will listen to my penitent, hesitate cries sent sojourning across their landscape, but the hurt I held in my hand has found the will to escape: It flew away like grains of sand on the wind. I wait not for the future, but for the past to catch up. I didn't run away, I walked, but it's out of shape and down on it's luck. It's not about being depressive or reactionary: it's about caring, and trying to help. For we all have the innate ability to be the greatest enemy to ourselves. And I'm all for responsibility but I'm also for forgiveness. So, let us not default on claims to mistakes we have made, but realize they're just a part of existence And even if I'm fucking up every step of the way, at least I'll get somewhere, eventually. Besides, what is life but the motion of uncertainty?

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This album/demo was made possible by coffee, depression, and introspection. Thanks for listening. It means much more than you will ever know.

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released August 5, 2014

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Roo Nevada

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